Last night I had a bad night. When I say a “bad night” I mean for ME, not comparing myself to others who have tragic things happen in their lives, I know there are people a zillion times worse off than I am, but I have learned that my feelings are valid, whatever they are, so for me, it was a bad night.
Basically it started with eating too much and too many of the wrong foods about 2 weeks ago and it all piled up over the weeks to feeling like crap tonight. A combo of a stomach ache from over-eating and a full body rash from eating foods my body doesn’t like, kept me up all night tossing and turning. I laid in bed trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I was eating so many things that make me feel bad, why I was doing so well with my eating only a month ago, and what had changed.
Like usual, I made a plan for the week: Bananas, my ACV drink, and Shakeology were all I was going to have all week to cleanse my system, help my stomach go down, and relieve my rashes.
I had a moment of peace until I remembered the dozen vegan cinnamon rolls that were showing up on my doorstep this afternoon. I went through the list of people I know who I could give them to, and started to get extremely anxious. There goes any chance of sleeping.
2 weeks ago when I ordered the cinnamon rolls, I thought it was a good idea. I had been eating super clean and had always wanted to try Cinnaholic’s rolls, so I decided to order some. The minimum you can get delivered is a dozen. No biggie! My hubby and I would each have one a day for 6 days.
But now since I have been eating so much sugar and gluten (reasons for my rashes), the thought of all those cinnamon rolls sitting in my kitchen makes me nervous. One voice in my head said “eat them all tomorrow and then start eating clean again”. Another voice said “send them to work with Rick and don’t eat any”.
Then another voice said “you spent a lot on those rolls, you better eat them”. And finally my meanest voice said “you are such an idiot, when will you ever learn”. OK…I “niced” it down for you, but you get the pic!
Finally around 1am, I decided to get up, drink a giant glass of water, and at least get some organizing done. At 3:30 my hubby sent me a facebook message asking me to come back to bed. I went back in. He snuggled me and mumbled something about how perfect life was. He obviously didn’t understand the tormenting going on in my head OR the fact that I was going into a busy Monday with no sleep. I sighed and said “it would be if I got any sleep last night”.
“It’s perfect at the moment” he said. AHHHH CRAP! He was so right! It was. If I wasn’t living in the past (no sleep, ate junk food, tummy ache, felt fat, mad at myself) or the future (busy day, no sleep, cinnamon rolls coming), I would have noticed how AMAZING the moment was. Giant, fluffy, soft, warm bed with my adorable, soft, cuddly, loving doggie and my husband of 19 years in love with the whole, real me (I even told him about my cinnamon roll fears and he didn’t laugh at me). DAMN! I was one lucky girl living an amazing life. But I wouldn’t have even stopped to notice if it wasn’t brought to my attention.
So I am paying it forward today and bringing it to YOUR attention. Take a moment RIGHT NOW to stop what you are doing, take a deep breath, look around and notice THIS moment. Forget the past, forget the future, and focus on what is right in front of you, right now. And take it all in. Be grateful, notice the little things, notice the big things, notice how amazing the human body is, notice how beautiful the earth is, notice the smells and sounds around you.
And don’t forget to notice how incredible YOU are!
I set an alarm on my phone to remind me to live in the moment. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s a work in progress and practice makes perfect! Baby steps remember!!
Here’s to hoping one day I don’t need a reminder to live in the moment!
Thank you for being a part of my life today.