When I was in therapy for my disordered eating, we were encouraged to turn in our scale and celebrated when we did. If I got refunded for all the scales I turned in, I’d have enough money to shop at Whole Foods for a year!! Yes…that means I kept re-buying the scales!
As much as I want to believe “it’s not about the scale” for self-acceptance and self-love, for me, I have not been able to give up my scale…and yes, I weigh myself at least once every single day.
And this morning I realized why this is such a good thing for ME…
Yesterday was a personal disaster for me. Out of my list of things I wanted to get done, I accomplished exactly ZERO!! I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep so I just got up knowing I could go to bed early last night.
After 8 hours at a swim meet, my plan was to run 2 hours (I am way behind training for a marathon or 7 in 2 weeks and needed and wanted the miles) and then swim an hour (for recovery and because I just love to swim). I brought enough food with me to cover the swim meet, the run, and the swim. Awesome plan! All prepped! Ready to execute! Fail!
I was exhausted after the meet so I ate ALL the food hoping it would give me energy for the workouts.
Nope! So I decided to go home and nap and then workout (because that ALWAYS works right??) but when I got home I wanted a snack (because I was tired, not hungry) so a series of poor choices ensued the rest of the night which included way too much food, no workouts (not even a walk w Joey…sorry buddy), 4 hours of THE VOICE online, an hour of wasted time trying to find out how to watch GREY’S ANATOMY online, more snacks, wasted social media hours, no water consumption, and finally deciding to crawl into bed at 3am.
I knew I could potentially sleep until 10am today so I could get some good sleep. Another fail! Woke up at 7am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt like crap! Dehydrated, bloated, with an un-productivity hangover the size of my newly plumped thighs from the 10 pounds I gained from being such a sloth yesterday.
I woke up this morning hating myself. Angry that I wasted an entire day of my precious life, annoyed at myself for throwing away sleep time which always results in poor choices in food, activity, and productivity the following day, and frustrated that the clothes I put on to take Joey for a walk were tight and thick and constricting.
I wanted to cry but decided to conserve my energy to actually get something done today!
I did something then that turned my day around instantly. I stepped on the scale. And it showed me the same number that I saw yesterday.
So why would that make a difference? Because my head was in such a bad place that my intellect of knowing a pound is gained when an excess of 3,500 calories is achieved was gone. When I woke up and my clothes were constrictive and my head and belly felt full of regret, I honestly believed I had gained 3-4 pounds and that it would take me at least a month to lose it. Now that I am living my super healthiest path, I won’t do any extreme weight loss so a pound a week is max weight loss for me. I am running 7 marathons in 2 weeks and wanted to feel healthy and fit for those and in that moment this morning I truly felt like I had sabotaged my entire plan.
When I stepped on the scale this morning and saw my weight had not changed, that one day of over-eating, lack of exercise, and sleep deprivation did not “ruin all my hard work” it challenged my belief about myself and my body. THANK YOU SCALE!
So yes, I am grateful for my scale and happy I weigh myself every day. Maybe one day I won’t need to or want to, but for today I am still in a love/hate relationship w my scale. Today was a win. Anytime my un-loving, un-accepting, un-supportive mind is challenged, progress toward self-love has been accomplished!
So yay!! I did accomplish something yesterday!! Phew!!
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