The New Golden Rule

The New Golden RuleWe all learned the “Golden Rule” at an early age. Treat others the way you want to be treated is basically how it sums up.

I had an epiphany in the shower the other day. And I call this the “New Golden Rule”.

It is: treat yourself like you would treat others.

Now this only works if you are actually a good person, and treat others nicely, with respect, and forgive their flaws, which everyone has. But since I am such a person, this is important rule for me to follow.

I once had a therapist who told me to write a letter to myself as if I were writing it to my five-year-old self. I think the real exercise is to write a letter to your daughter or son in the same tone as you speak to yourself, and then read it out loud, to hear how obnoxious and horrifying the way we talk to ourselves is, but at the time I didn’t have children so I think she modified it to fit my current lifestyle. The purpose of this exercise is to show us that we would never treat other people as horribly as we tend to treat ourselves.

So back to my epiphany…

I had just given my 12 week old a bath, and of course I used the 100% super duper soft bamboo washcloths that I got for her to nourish her delicate skin and always make her feel like a spoiled princess.

After I dried her off, slathered her with coconut oil, and put on her softest most comfy pajamas, I jumped back in the shower so that I could bathe myself as well. I grabbed my rough, coarse washcloth, which I purposefully used to exfoliate my face.

I want to add in here that I’ve always hated my skin, ever since I was a tween, although we didn’t have a name for that age back then. I’ve used every abrasive harsh chemical filled product and procedure to try to make my skin smoother and softer looking over the years.

Nothing has worked. So as far as cleanser and moisturizer, I’m FINALLY using mild products, Dr. Bronner‘s baby soap as a cleanser and coconut oil as a moisturizer.

But every other day I grab that coarse washcloth and scrub the crap out of my face hoping to exfoliate all the bumps and lines and pitts from acne scars, which leaves my face red and sore. I justify this by soaking it in coconut oil overnight to help repair.

On a side note, I don’t think my skin has looked any better from doing this over the past few years.

So back to my shower the other night. I was reaching for my angry washcloth, when I remembered what gentle loving care I just gave my baby girl. I started thinking why the difference? After hundred justifications, I came to the conclusion that there is no difference, other than I want to take care of her, and I want to punish myself.

So BOOM! Right then and there I tossed my crappy hater washcloth and picked up my “I am worthy of love and self-care” washcloth!

This may sound like a trite and simple “problem” to a lot of people, but for me it is huge. It’s a smaller part of the bigger issue that I have struggled with my entire life; unconditional self-love.

So for me to make one small step toward loving myself more, I will take it!
Baby steps…always!

Please do something extra nice to or for yourself today!

You are worthy! We all are!

Yay!

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Homework: Ask For Help

Homework: Ask For HelpIf you are reading this blog post, we probably have many things in common. If you are anything like me, you have a hard time asking for help because we are super self-sufficient and don’t need anyone or anything!

We are strong and powerful and confident in asking the universe for what we want, but have a difficult time asking an actual person for what we need when we aren’t able to provide it for ourselves.

I messaged a friend last night who is struggling with defeat when it comes to racing triathlon and I asked her if she was talking with anyone about it. She said “not really I just keep to myself”.

I felt her pain and wanted to do something to help her, but I have no idea what she needs, and she’s not about to ask for my help! But I got it, and didn’t push, because that’s exactly how I would be reacting if I were in her same situation.

Today while talking to my success partner, Tara, she called me out on the same exact thing. There are things I need right now in my life that I am not able to handle on my own with adjusting to mommying full-time to a newborn baby.

I wanted to be that person who could do it all! But I’m not, and that is super disappointing to me. Tara reminded me that not only is it OK to ask for help, but if I don’t, I’m not going to be a successful mommy, which is my ONLY job right now.

We talked about ways to do it and what words to use and to be honest I’m still not sure how it will all play out. The thought of being dependent on more than just me makes my stomach hurt. And with the damn hormones raging, I feel like I’m going to cry even thinking about it.

So I thought I would challenge myself and put out the same challenge to you! Together we can do this!

No one else knows what we need but us. They aren’t mind readers. They can’t possibly know our struggle. They will never offer to help because we usually don’t accept it. We can’t blame anyone but ourselves.

We need to be brave and make the first move. We need to be open and vulnerable and communicate what we need with those who love us the most. They want to help, but won’t know how unless we share. Just writing this is making me want to throw up!

Seriously! But I know I can’t keep beating myself up for what I can’t do on my own right now. My baby doesn’t need to feel my struggling or anxiety. She deserves only love and light. I want to give her the best chance for success.

I am listening to GIRL WASH YOUR FACE by Rachel Hollis and she says as a new mommy, you have 2 things to do each day and that is it! Number 1: Keep your baby alive and Number 2: Keep yourself alive. First of all, thank you for this! Second of all, I need to ask for help!

So here is our challenge:

Pick something small that you need help with right now. So small that if we don’t get the help we want/need, it’s no biggie! Ask for that! Ask someone you trust and that you know has your best interest in their hearts! Ask! Just ask!
Then pick something bigger, scarier to ask for. Or maybe something you need from someone who you are afraid to ask? And ask.

No need to rush from one “ask” to another, take your time, baby steps. Wait until you are ready, but don’t wait too long. Take each positive outcome and roll with it. Use it to help give you confidence for your bigger and scarier ask!!

Keep working your way up until you get to the one that’s going to make the biggest difference in your life right now!

BOOM! YOU DID IT!!!

I would LOVE to hear how it goes for you! I’m sure I’ll share how mine is going!

WE ROCK!

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Homework: Be Brave

Homework: Be BraveThis past weekend I was racing in South Dakota. While riding my bike on the gorgeous Iron Mountain Highway in Custer State Park, I made a decision that I wanted to simplify my life EVEN MORE than I already had so I could train and race all the time to feel the way I did in that moment. I have been struggling to get rid of some of the “stuff” I have left in the 5 bins I still store and cart around with me everywhere I go.

But being excited about living more simply so I can race and train more, made it easy to get back home and start tossing stuff!!

This also got me thinking about emotional baggage and holding onto people, places, jobs, habits, and relationships that no longer serve us but we struggle to let go.

Here is what I came up with…

The more excited and passionate you are about the outcome (or potential outcome) from what you are giving up or changing, the easier it is to let it go.

So I started thinking about the things that have been hard for me to let go of, give up, or change. I then thought about what the end result would be. I asked myself “on a scale from 1-10, how excited am I about this end result”? If it was an 8 or higher, it was easy to make the change, if it was any lower, it was a struggle.

I wanted to share this with you guys in case you have something that is hard to let go of, hard to give up, or hard to change. Go through the process I just described and see where it takes you!

If your “why” is lower than an 8, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not important to you. You many need to re-think why you want to do it or maybe it’s not something that you’re ready to let go of or ready to change in your life RIGHT NOW! And that’s OK.

We’re not always ready to make those big changes in our life.

If it’s something that’s important to you, you’ll find a way when you’re ready to get excited and get passionate about it and make the change.

If it’s FEAR holding you back or the UNKNOWN (2 things that hold most people back) I just want to share one of my fave quotes: Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.

Will it always work out the way you want it to? Probably not. But is it always worth it? IMO yes!

I always learn something about myself in the process which moves me closer to self-love, my ideal life, and being the best version of myself I can create.

If you are ready to make a change in your life whether it’s in your finances or your health or your fitness or your relationship or just loving yourself more and you need some guidance, I can definitely help!!

I have coached hundreds of people just like you who are ready to make a change but not quite sure where to start. My philosophy is baby steps, one day at a time, small incremental changes over time that will result in big life changes!

I offer coaching calls anywhere from 15 minutes to 60 minutes depending on how much time you have and how much guidance that you want to help you go from where you are now to where you want to be.

Please reach out to me and let’s set up a time to talk. If you’re not ready that’s OK, I will be here when you are. And in the meantime I have some positive places for you to hang out with me!

www.Facebook.com/FoodFitnessFinanceFun
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See you soon!

Baby Steps: Discipline

Baby Steps: Discipline... People seem to think because I typically eat healthy, I get all my training in and work out daily, and I race a lot as an athlete, that I am a very disciplined person.In my line of work, the health, fitness, and nutrition industry, and as an athlete, the word discipline gets thrown around all the time. People seem to think because I typically eat healthy, I get all my training in and work out daily, and I race a lot as an athlete, that I am a very disciplined person.

I don’t believe that anyone is naturally a more disciplined or undisciplined person.

I believe that discipline is a skill that we can all practice, learn, and get better at.

The other day at the pool, I was thinking about the concept of discipline. I was breathing on “twos”, which for you non-swimmers out there means that I was breathing to the right side every time my head and body turn to the right (ever 2 arm strokes). This isn’t the most effective or efficient way to swim, but for me it’s the easiest. A harder way is to breathe on threes or fours or fives or sixes which means I have to hold my breath longer and breathe on opposite sides (called bilateral breathing), which for me means I have to work a little harder and focus a little bit more.

So I challenged myself to breathe on threes or fours for the entire next set and I kept saying to myself “practice discipline in the small things in your life so that it’ll be easier to be disciplined in the big things in your life”.

Practice discipline in the small things so that it will be easier in the big things. So basically in the grand scheme of life it really doesn’t matter if I breathe on twos, but breathing on threes or fours is more of a challenge so I am practicing discipline.

Then when something that actually matters in life comes up, such as skipping a work out or doing the work out, I have practiced and gotten better at discipline and it will make it easier for me to just do the work out rather than skip it.

So here is your homework for today:

Throughout the day, if there something that you think you should do or that could move you toward the life that you really want (but maybe don’t really feel like doing it), I challenge you to do it.

Even if it’s something super simple and small such as choosing a salad over French fries as your side dish at the drive-through. Or choosing water over soda at the gas station when you’re thirsty. Or if you’re trying to save money, filling up your water bottle with tap water instead of buying it. Or choosing to park far away from the office instead of close so that you need to walk a few extra steps. Or choosing to turn off the TV after one show and get an extra half an hour of sleep. Or choosing to set your alarm without the snooze option to get up and get your day moving. Or choosing to adding spinach in your shake for breakfast in the morning. Or choosing to say no to something that isn’t that big a deal but you really didn’t want to do it. Etc, Etc, Etc!! GOT IT?

Once you get used to being disciplined in the small seemingly insignificant choices that you make each and every day, when a big or more important decision comes up, it will be easier for you to choose wisely it’ll be easier for you to be disciplined in that choice as well.

I would love to hear about your tiny successes just like mine I had in the pool the other day, because your successes in being disciplined in the small things AND the big things will inspire me and others to start making better decisions and choices in their own lives.

We all need the inspiration and motivation to be disciplined, if it was an easy choice it wouldn’t be called discipline!

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Homework: Share Your Story

Homework: Share Your Story ... One of the things I have been working on this year is being more transparent. By transparent I mean sharing my struggles and failures as well as my triumphs and successes.One of the things I have been working on this year is being more transparent. By transparent I mean sharing my struggles and failures as well as my triumphs and successes.

This has always been a challenge for me because I grew up in a very positive house where we focused on all the things that were right in our lives and didn’t give attention to our problems.

I also get annoyed with people who complain all the time and don’t do anything to change what they are complaining about, or complain to the wrong person, someone who has no authority to help or change the situation, and I don’t want to be one of those people. So typically when I’m having a tough time or a low self-esteem day, I stay quiet and work it out on my own.

This year when I made the commitment to share more, the good, the bad, and the ugly, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought for sure people would be irritated by my insignificant, first world problems and my annoying petty issues I have with food, self-worth, inner conflict, and body image. But I found the more I shared my experiences, the more people reached out to me to share their own experiences.

I remember I had a crappy workout one day and shared about it on Facebook and someone messaged me and said “I’m so happy to see you have crappy workouts too”. This made me laugh and I didn’t know whether people wanted to see me fail or if they were just so used to seeing me so positive it was refreshing to see that I struggle too.

I think all we really want is to know we aren’t alone. To know we all share common fears, struggles, and feelings. That we are all connected and we all essentially want the same things in our life: unconditional love and peace within ourselves.

Since the beginning of my year of sharing more of the hard stuff, I have had so many people tell me how much my stories, posts, experiences have helped them share their own. And if you know me, my mission is to help people just by being me. So in essence, the more I share about my life, the more I am living my mission.

And the same goes for you. You are here to connect and grow and be a part of something amazing. And the best way to find where you fit in while helping others feel worthy and supported and loved is to share your stories and experiences, whether positive or negative.

One rule I do have about sharing the bad stuff: I must be actively doing something to change the situation. Bitching about something you have control over and don’t ever work toward changing in my opinion is just plain annoying.

So be brave today! Share a battle you have been secretly fighting, share a success you have been too humble to share, share something unique about yourself that you are afraid you will be judged for and watch what happens. People will surprise you. You may even surprise you!
Let me know how it goes!!!

THANK YOU!

And thanks for being you…all of you…not just the good bits!!

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Homework: Let It Go

Homework: Let It GoLet it go! This is my only goal today! I woke up feeling overwhelmed and anxious!

Like I have way more to do than I will ever have time to get it done. Like I keep making promises to myself and others that I can’t keep. Like I’m barely staying above water and I can’t breathe!!!

I remember something I read in Brian Tracy’s book Eat That Frog…

You will never have enough time to do everything you want to do. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can let go of the expectation and forgive yourself for not doing it all!!

I was of course paraphrasing since I haven’t read that book in 15 years, but that concept has stuck with me over the years!

Here are some things I do when I’m feeling this way…

  • Breathe…DEEPLY!!
  • Write down 10 things I am grateful for
  • Prioritize my day, week, month, year, life
  • Reach out to a supportive friend
  • Focus on what I can control and let go of the rest!

Number 5 is super hard for me! But practicing letting go of what we can’t control will make it easier and habitual. I just need to remember to practice!

OK! I feel a little better!

Hope it helps you today!!! What can you let go of today????

If you need a reminder for daily gratitude…
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Breathe <3

Just. Do. It.

Just Do It... I always hear people talk about how hard they work to get to a certain place in their life, whether it's business, financial, relationships, fitness, health, spiritual, etc.I hear people talk about how hard they work to get to a certain place in their life, whether it’s business, financial, relationships, fitness, health, spiritual, etc.

I always feel bad when I hear this because I really don’t feel like I work that hard to make my goals. Today as I was doing intervals on the treadmill, I was thinking about this because, for once, I actually was working pretty hard!!

Since I was working really hard on my intervals, it got me thinking how often do I work hard in my life? And I came up with an answer that kind of surprised me. I don’t think I work hard very often, but what I do is no matter what, I do SOMETHING! No matter how I am feeling that week or day or moment, I just do it!

I know that sounds cheesy like a Nike slogan or something but it’s the truth.

For example, today I had no interest (or motivation) to run at all, but I wanted to get in a short interval run before my massage because I’m racing this weekend and I want to be slightly recovered. PLUS (let’s be honest here) I am trying to stay under myfitnesspal calorie goal and it’s been tough lately…like impossible, so I made myself get on the treadmill. I ran at a super easy pace for a few minutes which got my heart rate up, got the blood flowing through my body and brain, and the endorphins kicked in and I started feeling good! So I actually finished my interval run and here I am!

So I don’t feel like I necessarily work hard for the things that I want, for the things I accomplish in my life, and for my successes, but I do feel like I always do what needs to be done.

Now that I think about it, this is actually in alignment with how I do everything in my life, baby steps. I talk about baby steps all the time, how I take small incremental teeny tiny little steps toward what I want in my life, but I do them over and over and over again and it ends up looking like a success, that I’ve accomplished a goal, that I’ve done something big!!

And what I did today with my intervals is no different.

Last weekend I had a race. On the way there I had told a friend that I didn’t feel like I was ready for this race, that I didn’t feel like I’ve been training enough and that I hadn’t put in the hard work. When all was said and done, I did extremely well on the race. Looking back, I didn’t work hard to train for the race, I just did something every single day toward my goal of doing well in the race.

I have a big race coming up next week and people keep asking me if I am ready for the race. When I think about it, I think no, I’m not ready, I haven’t done hard enough workouts, I haven’t done many long rides or long runs, so no, I don’t feel like I’m ready.

BUT! In reality, I’m ready! I’ve put in the hours. I’ve put in time for the past 19 seasons that I’ve been a triathlete and for the past two years that I’ve been working toward this goal of qualifying and racing at the Ironman World Championships in Kona.

So yes! YES I am ready, whether I feel like it or not, I know I am ready!!

So I guess what I’m saying is that you don’t necessarily have to work hard all the time. Working hard is exhausting, it’s time-consuming, it’s mentally draining, and it’s often frustrating. So don’t do it, don’t work hard ALL the time, just do something, do something every single day. Do something every single day that moves you toward your goal. Do something every single day that move you toward your ideal life.

You will get there before you know it! Trust me!

Check out my updates on my journey to Kona…
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And please please please whether you feel like it or not, do something every single day to create your ideal life.

Just. Do. It.

See you soon!

One Day At A Time

One Day At A Time - Kirsten McCayI was chatting with a friend this morning and she asked how everything was going for me. My immediate reaction was “amazing” because quite frankly almost everything in my life is super amazing right now.

But then I thought deeper into how everything was going for me in my life right now and although almost everything is going extremely well, there is one area in my life that I have been COMPLETELY slacking in, so it has been going downhill pretty quickly over the past 6 months, and that is finances.

So I mentioned to her everything is perfect other than I’m pretty much out of money. As soon as I wrote it, however, it didn’t really seem to matter to me. And that made me think more into it because in the past, I would have been freaking out not having any money, but in reality, I’m not.

The “old” me is yelling at me to “get your shit together” “get a job” “work your businesses” “work more, train less” “stop eating at Whole Foods” “suck it up and work more” and “stop being so irresponsible”.

But when I actually bypass all the chatter and stop to think about it, I’m not scared, I’m not nervous, I’m not worried, and I’m not willing to give up what I am searching for in my life right now to work more, make more money, and feel more secure.

For the first time in my life I am taking it one day at a time.

Writing that and sharing it publicly makes me nervous because I still care a little bit what people think about me and I feel like it’s a very irresponsible way to live. But I am being brave and learning to embrace it. I tell others to own their lives and be proud of who they are and the decisions that they make, so I need to practice what I preach and do the same.

So I am! I am living my life the way I want to live it. I am taking it day by day, moment by moment. I am learning a lot about myself and growing daily as a human being and it feels like it’s what I am supposed to be doing right now.

And I hope the same for you. I hope you are doing things every single day that you love. That you are making choices out of passion, not desperation. That you are choosing love over fear. And that you wake up every single day with excitement and a smile on your face. If not, take a breath, write down 3 things you are grateful for, and make sure to do at least one thing today that makes you happy. PLEASE!

And then let me know how I can help you love your life more!

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Baby Steps: Love Yourself More

Baby Steps Love Yourself MoreI have “struggled” with disorder eating and weight/body issues my entire life. Maybe not in the way many of you have, but in a negative way where I was in a cycle I never thought I would get out of.

Over-eating and restricting with intense thoughts of hopelessness, weakness, worthlessness, and self-hatred woven in Every. Single. Day!

I have worked on it like it was my full-time job for the past 8 years and looking at a “Facebook memory” last week reminded me how far I have come in the past 2 years!

I only think about food like 60% of my day, I only dislike my body like 20% of the time, when I binge I gently reduce my calories over several days eating mostly fruits, veggies, and Shakeology® to keep my nutrients up, and I stick almost 100% of the time to my training plan as an athlete no matter how many extra calories I consumed that day. I don’t use exercise to burn excess calories and I train and rest my body as a competitive athlete instead of an obsessed girl desperately trying to lose weight.

I wanted to share my thoughts today to give you hope if you feel hopeless in your quest for unconditional self-love and acceptance like I had so many times in my life. For 20 years I didn’t think I had a problem and I spent the next 10 feeling like I would have this “problem” forever.

I see light at the end of the tunnel. I now see that I can love and nourish my body by caring for it and being gentle with my soul. I don’t need to be rough and abrasive and demanding in order to get to a place where I can feel good about myself and my body.

Thanks for supporting me in my journey!

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”
– Buddha

#lovehealsall

Need a little support and compassion?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveYourselfMore

Want to surround yourself with love daily?

https://www.facebook.com/KirstenMcCaySmith

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

See you soon!

Daily Dose of Hope

Daily Dose of Hope... I have "struggled" with disorder eating and weight/body issues my entire life. Maybe not in the way many of you have, but in a negative way where I was in a cycle I never thought I would get out of. I have “struggled” with disorder eating and weight/body issues my entire life.

Maybe not in the way many of you have, but in a negative way where I was in a cycle I never thought I would get out of. Over-eating and restricting with intense thoughts of hopelessness, weakness, worthlessness, and self-hatred woven in…

Every. Single. Day!

I have worked on it like it was my full-time job for the past 8 years and looking at a “Facebook memory” last week reminded me how far I have come in the past 2 years!

I only think about food like 60% of my day, I only dislike my body like 20% of the time, when I binge I gently reduce my calories over several days eating mostly fruits, veggies, and Shakeology® to keep my nutrients up, and I stick almost 100% of the time to my training plan as an athlete no matter how many extra calories I consumed that day.

I don’t use exercise to burn excess calories and I train and rest my body as a competitive athlete instead of an obsessed girl desperately trying to lose weight.

I wanted to share my thoughts today to give you hope if you feel hopeless in your quest for unconditional self-love and acceptance like I had so many times in my life. For 20 years I didn’t think I had a problem and I spent the next 10 feeling like I would have this “problem” forever.

I see light at the end of the tunnel. I now see that I can love and nourish my body by caring for it and being gentle with my soul. I don’t need to be rough and abrasive and demanding in order to get to a place where I can feel good about myself and my body.
Thanks for supporting me in my journey!

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha

#lovehealsall

Need a little support and compassion?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/LoveYourselfMore

Want to surround yourself with love daily?

https://www.facebook.com/KirstenMcCaySmith

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

See you soon!